Say Nothing

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting with my friend at the Violent Femmes concert. The band had started. Two or three songs into their set, and most of the crowd took to sitting in their seats. Two women, on our left, remained standing. I could hear a man yelling for them to sit down. I saw one woman turn around, and politely decline. She wanted to stand and dance. Obviously, this was a significant slight to the man (two rows behind); and he responded by heckling the two women. When he realized that wasn't going to work, he proceeded to go to the empty seats in front of them, wildly dancing. At this point, I thought he would get it out of his system. Suddenly, he turned around and faced them. Standing in front of these two (much shorter) women he remained for about 30 seconds waving his hands around, while standing one foot away from one woman's face. Not once did these woman do anything, raise their voices or act rudely. It was at this point I had to say something.

     "You look like a complete ass hole. Everyone is looking at you, because you are the crazy ass hole in this situation." 

     We exchanged a few statements. He tried to justify his behavior because "they wouldn't sit down". 

     "We're at a concert. They are dancing and having a good time. There is nothing wrong with what they are doing" I responded. He said his friend couldn't see. I suggested to him they stand up. 

     He accused me, "You're taking their side because I have a penis." 

First, I agreed with him. I believe he used his male stature to intimidate them into behaving the way he wanted them to. He behaved like a bully. I'm not going to sit by when I see someone bullying, and shaming a woman because she wasn't doing what he wanted. The whole scene took just a few minutes to transpire. I explained to the guy, "Dude, it's a concert. People want to have fun and you're ruining the vibe. Have fun, don't be an ass hole." Of course, I delivered it with a smile. Eventually he returned to his seat and remained there for the rest of the concert. 

It's not okay for anyone to speak to someone like this. There were at least a dozen people who saw what was happening, sat there and did nothing. The truth for them could be different, but it could also be that it is easier to not get involved. To let the situation pass because in the scheme of things, it doesn't seem to be a big deal. Make the excuses for bad behaviors...blame the women for not sitting down, for whatever they did to cause it. They must have done something to perpetuate the situation. Some people act out badly to get their way. Truth is some people are miserable human beings. People pick on others and ridicule them because they feel powerless in their own lives; and want to feel powerful.

It's okay to make a poor decision, but take responsibility and apologize. We lose our temper. We have human moments. A bully wants to yell, mock and belittle someone else into submission. They use these tactics to feel powerful. When we do nothing and turn away, we become complicit. Understand the message we send, when we sit silently and say nothing.

"You are alone".
"You should do what he says".
"You deserve it".
"You are worthless".

As I responded to one of the women, after she leaned over to thank me, "You did nothing wrong."