Aiming for an A in Life

My colleague and I were discussing some personnel changes. She off-handily remarks how her first impression of me was that I was full of myself. Now, I'm trying best to recall her words, which were brutal and kind. I didn't take notes. I'm doing my best to paraphrase and express her sentiment. It was horrifying, humbling and affirming. All at the same time.

"I thought you were full of yourself she continues, "you had this confidence, and stated matter of fact, your opinions. You had a political background and talked about politics. But, as I got to know you, you are warm and have a great way of communicating your thoughts. I've come to appreciate it." She finished her reflection of my attributes with "Don't ever change." She repeated herself, "Don't ever change".

I don't pretend to be every one's favorite sort of person. Heck, I don't really want to be liked by everyone. Popularity has never appealed to me. I want to be liked by those I like, respect and admire. I'm opinionated, uncompromising to a fault. I'm loud. I'm judgmental. I try not to be, but aren't we all? Recently, I discovered a few truths about people that were not surprising, but disappointing. Luckily, these were women that weren't my favorite people. I made the decision early on about them. My judgment saved me some serious disappointment, as time always reveals one's true character.

Here are my top five qualities that excludes one from being my favorite sort of person (in no particular order):
1. Dishonesty. I don't mean white-lies or insignificant withholding...I'm talking deception and betrayal. The stuff dramatic soaps are made of...
2. Debbie-downers. It is just a coincidence if your name is Debbie. This isn't directed towards you. However, you may want to avoid being such a cliche if you're both a Debbie and a downer. Listening to you whine endlessly about shit is not how I want to spend my free time. Or worse, listening to you piss on someone else's parade. Go away.
3. Neediness/ highly insecure / major self-esteem issues. I can't. I don't fault you, but I can't fix you, help you, build you up, clean up after you, listen to you whine endlessly about shit that you could fix.
4. Hitting on/making out with someone else's boyfriend/husband/date. You get the idea right. I'm not talking about juvenile romance, but real grown up - kids involved - messy shit. We're suppose to support one another. Woman code. Don't break it.
5. Douchebag assholes. It is a catch-all. Need examples? Trumps, Michael Vick, Lance Armstrong and Martin Shkreli to name just a few.

There isn't enough free time to spend it on those that aren't your favorite people. I'm super blessed because I've managed to hit some out of the park home runs in the friend game. Some people have to tolerate me, while others seem to like me at least, 90 percent of the time. Willingly. Without bribes!! I'm pretty happy with 90 percent. It's an A, and I'll take it.

Peace&Love
C.


“Only a few find the way; some don’t recognize it when they do; some don’t ever want to.” – The Cheshire Cat

Finding My Voice

It's been over a month since I've written a post. I've been busy with  getting back to a work/school schedule. I've been too busy with life to want to write. Let me explain. Writing is a cathartic exercise for me. I write about my feelings, my thoughts and life to share my perspective. It isn't about the validation. It is a need to express my thoughts and feelings without feeling vulnerable and exposed. I can say what I feel. As a result, I've come to accept, and grown comfortable with my feelings and the conflict that surrounds me in life. I gained a new perspective because I've released the shame, frustration and feelings of failure I carried around with me. I didn't even know how those feelings were undermining my growth until the last few months. Writing forced me to confront a situation, and reflect on it in a way that speaking about it with close friends doesn't provide. In writing this blog, I've found my voice. Now, it's up to me to continue to use it. This is the next hurdle I will need to work on. The discipline required to continually write.

I appreciate everyone who has taken time to read it. I appreciate your kinds words of support, your thoughts, and sharing your stories. You helped me along this journey to get to this point, and I couldn't be here without each of you.
Peace and Love,
C.