Mom Guilt

This upcoming weekend is a long weekend, but I haven't made any plans to do anything. It isn't that I don't want to do anything, but I am in a blue state of mind (and I'm not talking about my political leanings).  The Dude spends the weekend per custody agreement with his father. Of course, it is important for him to spend time with his father. In our custody agreement we alternate the weekends. Standard co-parenting practice.

Alas, this brings us back to making no plans for the weekend. I make the most of these weekends, doing some shopping, cleaning and all those errands that sit for weeks. I appreciate the solitude of being alone. The quiet pace of following my instincts. Netflix marathons, making an omelette for breakfast and shopping for hours. Whatever I feel like doing. I'm not preoccupied, nor concerned about feeding a growing nine-year-old. Don't even ask me what I eat, but sometimes it is a bowl of cereal. It isn't single life, but it is become a way for me to balance my needs and individual desires. I started running races. I KNOW! 

In my village, I watch my friends and peers struggle every day with the balance of life. Running the kids to birthday parties, sports commitments and family time. I'm not even talking about school and work. Trying to find time for their interests, doctor appointments or exercise can be very difficult. Then the emotional weight women feel for taking the time for themselves. We have a name for it. Mom guilt. We volunteer at school, we transport our kids to various activities, we shop, make lunches, make dinner, help with homework and reading, we email, text and make time for our girl posse. Let's not forget those who bake. I love baking, but it seems like I can't get started until 8pm, which means I'm up until midnight or it becomes a two-day event. Or doesn't happen at all. Some of us may work outside of the home, and others kick ass without going to an office. BUT, we're all Moms doing the best we can. My village is wonderful. I have an amazing clan of women who make me laugh, help me through my tears, and sometimes kidnap me for an evening out. Seriously, this happens.

It is interesting to be forced to send your child away. It is a forced kid-free time period. This freedom provides me with a Mom guilt-free time, and I learned a lot. I learned to embrace my identity that is both Mom but without child. I'm still The Dude's Mom, but I'm also Christina. I like watching Tarantino Movies, documentaries and eating a bowl of cereal for dinner because I only dirty two objects and I need not cook a thing! Cheese and crackers and shrimp cocktail are other go to favorites because the Dude wouldn't have it.

My point is that my forced time away, is not any different from my married friends who take similar time for themselves. There is no shame, there is no reason to feel guilt. We need to stop of the madness of being Mom 24/7, because whether or not we're mothering we'll always be Mom. We can take the night away, the weekend off and guess what - everyone will survive. Since when did the bar become so insane that women can't spend time for themselves? We need to show our kids how to parent, and how to balance family and self. It doesn't make you less of a Mom. Mom is quantity of time spent with our child, but the quality of time. It is why the movie Bad Moms resonated with so many women. So, plan that movie date to see Bad Moms 2; or take the weekend away.

I'll leave one last thought. We need to stop with the guilt gifting. You know I'm talking to you! Kids do not need a special activity because we decide to take time for ourselves. They do not need a present because you went away for the weekend. We shouldn't be obliged as an exchange for time away. Kids don't care, they will either be happy your back; or wish you took the night off again because Dad rocked it with take-away food and movie night. Alright ladies, go have fun and regret nothing.