Right or Wrong? Does it Matter?

Let's be clear. Most of time I'm not wrong when disagreements arise in my co-parenting universe. Notice I didn't say I was right, I said I wasn't wrong. I do believe both can be right. After all, parenting is a wide-open field with several paths to get through it. Some people like to take the paved sidewalk, others may want to pick wild flowers and meander through at a leisurely pace, and others want to fly right over because they could careless about wild flowers.

Parenting with my ex is challenging. We agree on very little. These differences added to the existing and on-going communication challenges make co-parenting very difficult. Even-though I want nothing to do with him, I do put forth effort to communicate and co-parent. I have friends in similar situations. Just like those parents who stay together, we're individuals with our own experience, personality and opinion. We don't agree and that is okay, but not trying to do our best to work with the other parent is not okay.

The hardest challenge I'm facing is the Dude's own life and activities being supported consistently by parent while they are on-duty. For example, the Dude plays baseball. His father decides he would rather not take him to his game on his weekend. He didn't agree to the league. There could be other reasons; but what can one do to come to a resolution when each believes they are right?

I've reflected the last few months on how better to deal with this issue. He certainly knows a lot about baseball. Do I leave him to decide all things baseball because he knows more about the sport of baseball? Well, I don't. Should I? Does not having played a the sport disqualify a parent from their right to opinion on participating? Certainly not. I have as much experience in participating in youth sports as he does. It comes down to the kid. He's at the age where he can express himself and he's decided he wants to play in our community league. The Dude loves baseball. He loves playing with his friends and battling them in the box. Rehashing game moments during the school day. So, we will continue down this path and register for another season. The hope is his dad fully supports the activity, but only time can tell. When dealing with someone who tends to put their own feelings before what is best for a child - we can only wait and hope.

I get kudos for how I interact with my ex, but I shouldn't. I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the best thing for the dude. I shouldn't get kudos for it. We're all trying to do the right thing, and from his dad's perspective, he's trying to do the right thing as well. Only the dude loses when we can't work together. It isn't about being right. Good parenting doesn't comes down to being right. Sometimes it comes down to being happy (read When Quitting is the Right thing to do).  Weighing all the positives and negatives to come up with the decision that makes the most sense.

In a couple of years the Dude is going to be old enough to have more autonomy. I hold onto this as a short-term milestone to get through the disappointment and conflict. Sooner or later, it will not be me fighting. He will be able to determine his own path (within reason). I'm not gonna lie, I hold onto this on the days where I just want to scream and cry out from frustration.

Also, I've always been a strategic thinker, so I keep my eye on the long-term goal. The long-term goal isn't a MLB career or college baseball (although I support the Dude's long-term goal), but for him to look back on his childhood with fondness. My long-term goal is to know I did my best to do what was best for him. We choose to try (knowing sometimes we fall short) or not. In those moments when I want to curse out my ex and tell him what I really think of him or his choices, I let this be my guide. I don't want to let his father's inability to co-parent or our dislike for one another to negatively influence my behavior or change my decision-making. I hope for the best, while empowering the Dude to always respectfully express his wants and desires. I will have to sit and wait; and hope and see what happens over the next few months. Only time will tell.