Hardest Part of Growing Up

There are a few milestones we experience that often signify adulthood. Some of us may experience buying a home, getting married or becoming parents. Those are joyous occasions that mark the beginning of new adventures and new chapters. Then life dips, where we feel like failures. We regretfully make poor choices. These are all experiences we must have, and can't be avoided. Together these experiences shape us.

Starting in my early thirties, my friends and I had many celebrations of life. Weddings and births of children. These events added more joy than heartbreak. During the same time period, I started to witness and experience  relationships changing and some ending. I wasn't heartbroken when I left, but as I had written before, I had been embarrassed. I stayed longer than I would have because I didn't want to have "failed", or "wasted" those years. Today I realize that no relationship is wasted, no relationship fails. We're not failures. We need to redefine how we think about our relationships. Whether they are familial, romantic or friendships. They help us to define our worth. We learn from what worked and what didn't. We learn about ourselves. We learn our limits, and how we should treat others. We shape our values through these experiences. Ultimately, we decide our worth.

I know how much I learn from my friends. I've surrounded myself with some amazing people. People I trust, people who are smart and make me a better person. I've also witnessed my short-comings. I know to promise (occasionally). I can value the differences, as much as the similarities, of my friends and our friendships. I have a best friend who is my polar opposite, but still is my person. It doesn't diminish my sincere affection for her. I defined values and priorities that are important to me, both in friendships and romantic relationships. Relationships are all about compromising, but settling for less than one's worth because one is afraid of being alone is damaging. Eventually those cracks become to much to hide.

It was my Mom who said to me, "You can spend 10 years with someone being polite. You will look back, realizing you've spent your prime of your life in a snap". Relationships don't ever fail because there is no mark of "success". Being married for 20, 25 or 50-years isn't a measure of success. Success is living an honest life, in-accord with your values. Perhaps we should remove the need to measure relationships, and everyone would be happier? After all, it takes two to have a relationship. One person doesn't control the outcomes. It only takes one person to affect, change and alter the outcome. Time after time, I hear friends say they feel ashamed and embarrassed for it not working out, or for their  spouse/partner's actions. The best thing we can do for ourselves is take responsibility for our own actions. Other people are responsible for their actions. It's never a reflection upon us. Just as how we behave isn't a reflection upon anyone else.

The reality is more often that not, relationships have a shelf life. Not everyone is meant to stay. Sometimes people come along to contribute something wonderful (like the Dude). Devaluing your worth based on fear and compromising out of love. Those are two different choices. Always choose love.  ❤️-C.

Comic-Con 2018 Craziness

I'm in recovery from my first full San Diego Comic-Con experience. In the past few years I had only done 2 or 3 days of the Con. Also, from the first time four years ago to this past year, the convention has changed a lot. I'm going to summarize my experience in a top ten highlight reel. For those who ask about "Why" or "What" happens inside I've summarized my thoughts about why we love the Con.

My brother, Sean showing off his Dragonball Z bag from the off-site

Panels: I love going to panels. Small or the infamous Hall H. Panels are an interesting way to hear more about projects across all mediums and various industries such as; comics, video games, film/tv or toys. Besides seeing these things first, often producers or directors share their thoughts, inside perspectives or future insights. These are the creators of projects and often not people who are interviewed by traditional media.

Autograph signings: for those collectors and super fans, this can be quite the highlight and sought after.

Exhibition Hall: overwhelming fun for all. It is what most Con attendees spend wandering from booth to booth gathering "SDCC Exclusives" and other collectibles. This year, I was obsessed with collecting all the shirts from Deadpool 2, but missed Thursday (got distracted) and Sunday was a catastrophe. Deadpool riding a unicorn. I really wanted this shirt, but so did a hundred other people who were more determined and pushier. Clearly, I'm not aiming to spend hours waiting and waiting. I did blow budget gathering cool shirts, new books, and art prints from artists.

Free-bees: These are a bonus because often they are exclusive to the Con. Posters, shirts and other random items. Attendees (or non-attendees at off-sites) receive fun stuff from booths and during panels, one of the reason my attendees go crazy trying to get into certain panels or booths.

Off-sites: These are mostly those events and/or booths that are often open to the public.

My Top Ten Favorite Things from SDCC 2018

10. Deadpool 2 panel: full clip from the conclusion of the film (If I can turn back time). Cher will              never be the same.
9.   Acquiring my first Alex Ross, Wonder Woman to add to my collection. Limited, SDCC exclusive        21/25. Can't wait to hang it!
8.   Deadpool 2 giveaway tee shirts. Friday shirt giveaway featured his sketch of Peter. Although the          song 9-5 will forever be altered. Also (adding in here), I discovered and met Justin from Claus            Studios. You'll know his work from the end credits of the movie. His work is entertaining.
7.   Star Wars Millennium Falcon experience. #thesmugglersway
6.   Spending time with friends doing the Con together. These memories and experiences are quality          time too. This year I took a friend's son and it was so much fun. I didn't get to do it with the                Dude, but he did go with his Dad. However, our friend's son was the next best thing, and we had          an awesome day. It was full of "exclusives". Hanging with Rebecca, her boyfriend
      Nick Kremenek (artist and graphic designer) and my brother (fan boy) makes the Con experience        more worthwhile. When you are waiting, you talk and talk. It truly is quality time.
5.   Sony Panel in Hall H. First, the wait was only 30 minutes and that's nothing by SDCC standards.        Spider-man: into the Spider-verse was amazing. Graphics will blow you away, and features the            new Spider-man Miles Morales. It's a big deal. We watched rough-cut preview for Venom                    starring Tom Hardy, who came to his first panel. What a treat!
4.   Getting to speak to author, Tom Angleberger, who wrote the Origami Yoda series. Not only was          he gracious with his time, he made the Dude an origami Yoda. The Dude will get it when I pick          him up tomorrow. Can't wait to give the Dude his new Star Wars, The Mighty Chewbacca in the          Forest of Fear.
3.   Ryan Reynolds during Deadpool 2 panel. He is as funny in person as he is on Instagram. If you          want a good laugh, follow him on IG: @vancityreynolds
2.   Impromptu Flash Panel. During Kevin Smith's panel he showed Grant Gustin and Tom                        Cavanagh's short film, Tom and Grant. It is hilarious.
1.   Kevin Smith Panel, and seeing him receive the Inkpot. If you ever get a chance to hear Kevin              Smith on Saturday night in Hall H. Run, don't walk. We watched his pilot, Hollyweed, which he          had never screened with an audience.  It's Clerks in a pot shop. If you love Kevin Smith, you'll            love this show. You can order episodes at www.RivitTv.com.

There are many more, but I just can't list everything. Now I've got to wait another 360 days until 2019. Let the countdown begin. Click to see photos from SDCC 2018 Photos

Say Nothing

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting with my friend at the Violent Femmes concert. The band had started. Two or three songs into their set, and most of the crowd took to sitting in their seats. Two women, on our left, remained standing. I could hear a man yelling for them to sit down. I saw one woman turn around, and politely decline. She wanted to stand and dance. Obviously, this was a significant slight to the man (two rows behind); and he responded by heckling the two women. When he realized that wasn't going to work, he proceeded to go to the empty seats in front of them, wildly dancing. At this point, I thought he would get it out of his system. Suddenly, he turned around and faced them. Standing in front of these two (much shorter) women he remained for about 30 seconds waving his hands around, while standing one foot away from one woman's face. Not once did these woman do anything, raise their voices or act rudely. It was at this point I had to say something.

     "You look like a complete ass hole. Everyone is looking at you, because you are the crazy ass hole in this situation." 

     We exchanged a few statements. He tried to justify his behavior because "they wouldn't sit down". 

     "We're at a concert. They are dancing and having a good time. There is nothing wrong with what they are doing" I responded. He said his friend couldn't see. I suggested to him they stand up. 

     He accused me, "You're taking their side because I have a penis." 

First, I agreed with him. I believe he used his male stature to intimidate them into behaving the way he wanted them to. He behaved like a bully. I'm not going to sit by when I see someone bullying, and shaming a woman because she wasn't doing what he wanted. The whole scene took just a few minutes to transpire. I explained to the guy, "Dude, it's a concert. People want to have fun and you're ruining the vibe. Have fun, don't be an ass hole." Of course, I delivered it with a smile. Eventually he returned to his seat and remained there for the rest of the concert. 

It's not okay for anyone to speak to someone like this. There were at least a dozen people who saw what was happening, sat there and did nothing. The truth for them could be different, but it could also be that it is easier to not get involved. To let the situation pass because in the scheme of things, it doesn't seem to be a big deal. Make the excuses for bad behaviors...blame the women for not sitting down, for whatever they did to cause it. They must have done something to perpetuate the situation. Some people act out badly to get their way. Truth is some people are miserable human beings. People pick on others and ridicule them because they feel powerless in their own lives; and want to feel powerful.

It's okay to make a poor decision, but take responsibility and apologize. We lose our temper. We have human moments. A bully wants to yell, mock and belittle someone else into submission. They use these tactics to feel powerful. When we do nothing and turn away, we become complicit. Understand the message we send, when we sit silently and say nothing.

"You are alone".
"You should do what he says".
"You deserve it".
"You are worthless".

As I responded to one of the women, after she leaned over to thank me, "You did nothing wrong."